POKIN AROUND: A real person, a real death
Roy Sykes photos Tina and Ron Meier look up at the mausoleum
gravesite of their daughter Megan, who would have been 15 on November
6th.
By Steve Pokin
November 13, 2007
St. Charles, Missouri
His name was Josh Evans. He was 16 years old. And he was hot.
“Mom! Mom! Mom! Look at him!” Tina Meier recalls her daughter saying.
Josh had contacted Megan Meier through her MySpace page and wanted to
be added as a friend.Yes, he’s cute, Tina Meier told her daughter. “Do
you know who he is?”
“No, but look at him! He’s hot! Please, please, can I add him?”
Mom said yes. And for six weeks Megan and Josh – under Tina’s
watchful eye – became acquainted in the virtual world of MySpace.
Josh said he was born in Florida and recently had moved to O’Fallon.
He was homeschooled. He played the guitar and drums.
He was from a broken home: “when i was 7 my dad left me and my mom
and my older brother and my newborn brother 3 boys god i know poor
mom yeah she had such a hard time when we were younger finding work
to pay for us after he loeft.”
As for 13-year-old Megan, of Dardenne Prairie, this is how she
expressed who she was:
M is for Modern
E is for Enthusiastic
G is for Goofy
A is for Alluring
N is for Neglected.
She loved swimming, boating, fishing, dogs, rap music and boys. But
her life had not always been easy, her mother says.
She was heavy and for years had tried to lose weight. She had
attention deficit disorder and battled depression. Back in third
grade she had talked about suicide, Tina says, and ever since had
seen a therapist.
But things were going exceptionally well. She had shed 20 pounds,
getting down to 175. She was 5 foot 5½ inches tall.
She had just started eighth grade at a new school, Immaculate
Conception, in Dardenne Prairie, where she was on the volleyball
team. She had attended Fort Zumwalt public schools before that.
Amid all these positives, Tina says, her daughter decided to end a
friendship with a girlfriend who lived down the street from them. The
girls had spent much of seventh grade alternating between being
friends and, the next day, not being friends, Tina says.
Part of the reason for Megan’s rosy outlook was Josh, Tina says.
After school, Megan would rush to the computer.
“Megan had a lifelong struggle with weight and self-esteem,” Tina
says. “And now she finally had a boy who she thought really thought
she was pretty.”
It did seem odd, Tina says, that Josh never asked for Megan’s phone
number. And when Megan asked for his, she says, Josh said he didn’t
have a cell and his mother did not yet have a landline.
And then on Sunday, Oct. 15, 2006, Megan received a puzzling and
disturbing message from Josh. Tina recalls that it said: “I don’t
know if I want to be friends with you anymore because I’ve heard that
you are not very nice to your friends.”
Frantic, Megan shot back: “What are you talking about?”
SHADOWY CYBERSPACE
Tina Meier was wary of the cyber-world of MySpace and its 70 million
users. People are not always who they say they are.
Tina knew firsthand. Megan and the girl down the block, the former
friend, once had created a fake MySpace account, using the photo of a
good-looking girl as a way to talk to boys online, Tina says. When
Tina found out, she ended Megan’s access.
MySpace has rules. A lot of them. There are nine pages of terms and
conditions. The long list of prohibited content includes sexual
material. And users must be at least 14.
“Are you joking?” Tina asks. “There are fifth-grade girls who have
MySpace accounts.”
As for sexual content, Tina says, most parents have no clue how much
there is. And Megan wasn’t 14 when she opened her account. To join,
you are asked your age but there is no check. The accounts are free.
As Megan’s 14th birthday approached, she pleaded for her mom to give
her another chance on MySpace, and Tina relented.
She told Megan she would be all over this account, monitoring it.
Megan didn’t always make good choices because of her ADD, Tina says.
And this time, Megan’s page would be set to private and only Mom and
Dad would have the password.
‘GOD-AWFUL FEELING’
Monday, Oct. 16, 2006, was a rainy, bleak day. At school, Megan had
handed out invitations to her upcoming birthday party and when she
got home she asked her mother to log on to MySpace to see if Josh had
responded.
Why did he suddenly think she was mean? Who had he been talking to?
Tina signed on. But she was in a hurry. She had to take her younger
daughter, Allison, to the orthodontist.
Before Tina could get out the door it was clear Megan was upset. Josh
still was sending troubling messages. And he apparently had shared
some of Megan’s messages with others.
Tina recalled telling Megan to sign off.
“I will Mom,” Megan said. “Let me finish up.”
Tina was pressed for time. She had to go. But once at the
orthodontist’s office she called Megan: Did you sign off?
“No, Mom. They are all being so mean to me.”
“You are not listening to me, Megan! Sign off, now!”
Fifteen minutes later, Megan called her mother. By now Megan was in
tears.
“They are posting bulletins about me.” A bulletin is like a survey.
“Megan Meier is a slut. Megan Meier is fat.”
Megan was sobbing hysterically. Tina was furious that she had not
signed off.
Once Tina returned home she rushed into the basement where the
computer was. Tina was shocked at the vulgar language her daughter
was firing back at people.
“I am so aggravated at you for doing this!” she told Megan.
Megan ran from the computer and left, but not without first telling
Tina, “You’re supposed to be my mom! You’re supposed to be on my
side!”
On the stairway leading to her second-story bedroom, Megan ran into
her father, Ron.
“I grabbed her as she tried to go by,” Ron says. “She told me that
some kids were saying horrible stuff about her and she didn’t
understand why. I told her it’s OK. I told her that they obviously
don’t know her. And that it would be fine.”
Megan went to her room and Ron went downstairs to the kitchen, where
he and Tina talked about what had happened, the MySpace account, and
made dinner.
Twenty minutes later, Tina suddenly froze in mid-sentence.
“I had this God-awful feeling and I ran up into her room and she had
hung herself in the closet.”
Megan Taylor Meier died the next day, three weeks before her 14th
birthday.
Later that day, Ron opened his daughter’s MySpace account and viewed
what he believes to be the final message Megan saw – one the FBI
would be unable to retrieve from the hard drive.
It was from Josh and, according to Ron’s best recollection, it said,
“Everybody in O’Fallon knows how you are. You are a bad person and
everybody hates you. Have a shitty rest of your life. The world would
be a better place without you.”
BEYOND GRIEF INTO FURY
Tina and Ron saw a grief counselor. Tina went to a couple of Parents
After Loss of Suicide meetings, as well.
They tried to message Josh Evans, to let him know the deadly power of
mean words. But his MySpace account had been deleted.
The day after Megan’s death, they went down the street to comfort the
family of the girl who had once been Megan’s friend. They let the girl
and her family know that although she and Megan had their ups and
down, Megan valued her friendship.
They also attended the girl’s birthday party, although Ron had to
leave when it came time to sing “Happy Birthday.” The Meiers went to
the father’s 50th birthday celebration. In addition, the Meiers
stored a foosball table, a Christmas gift, for that family.
Six weeks after Megan died, on a Saturday morning, a neighbor down
the street, a different neighbor, one they didn’t know well, called
and insisted that they meet that morning at a counselor’s office in
northern O’Fallon.
The woman would not provide details. Ron and Tina went. Their grief
counselor was there. As well as a counselor from Fort Zumwalt West
Middle School.
The neighbor from down the street, a single mom with a daughter the
same age as Megan, informed the Meiers that Josh Evans never existed.
She told the Meiers that Josh Evans was created by adults, a family
on their block. These adults, she told the Meiers, were the parents
of Megan’s former girlfriend, the one with whom she had a falling
out. These were the people who’d asked the Meiers to store their
foosball table.
The single mother, for this story, requested that her name not be
used. She said her daughter, who had carpooled with the family that
was involved in creating the phony MySpace account, had the password
to the Josh Evans account and had sent one message – the one Megan
received (and later retrieved off the hard drive) the night before
she took her life.
“She had been encouraged to join in the joke,” the single mother
said.
The single mother said her daughter feels the guilt of not saying
something sooner and for writing that message. Her daughter didn’t
speak out sooner because she’d known the other family for years and
thought that what they were doing must be OK because, after all, they
were trusted adults.
On the night the ambulance came for Megan, the single mother said,
before it left the Meiers’ house her daughter received a call. It was
the woman behind the creation of the Josh Evans account. She had
called to tell the girl that something had happened to Megan and
advised the girl not to mention the MySpace account.
AX AND SLEDGEHAMMER
The Meiers went home and tore into the foosball table.
Tina used an ax and Ron a sledgehammer. They put the pieces in Ron’s
pickup and dumped them in their neighbor’s driveway. Tina spray
painted “Merry Christmas” on the box.
According to Tina, Megan had gone on vacations with this family. They
knew how she struggled with depression, that she took medication.
“I know that they did not physically come up to our house and tie a
belt around her neck,” Tina says. “But when adults are involved and
continue to screw with a 13-year-old – with or without mental
problems – it is absolutely vile.
“She wanted to get Megan to feel like she was liked by a boy and let
everyone know this was a false MySpace and have everyone laugh at
her.
“I don’t feel their intentions were for her to kill herself. But
that’s how it ended.”
‘GAINING MEGAN’S CONFIDENCE’
That same day, the family down the street tried to talk to the
Meiers. Ron asked friends to convince them to leave before he
physically harmed them.
In a letter dated Nov. 30, 2006, the family tells Ron and Tina, “We
are sorry for the extreme pain you are going through and can only
imagine how difficult it must be. We have every compassion for you
and your family.”
The Suburban Journals have decided not to name the family out of
consideration for their teenage daughter.
The mother declined comment.
“I have been advised not to give out any information and I apologize
for that,” she says. “I would love to sit here and talk to you about
it but I can’t.”
She was informed that without her direct comment the newspaper would
rely heavily on the police report she filed with the St. Charles
County Sheriff’s Department regarding the destroyed foosball table.
“I will tell you that the police report is totally wrong,” the mother
said. “We have worked on getting that changed. I would just be very
careful about what you write.”
Lt. Craig McGuire, spokesman for the sheriff’s department, said he is
unaware of anyone contacting the department to alter the report.
“We stand behind the report as written,” McGuire says. “There was no
supplement to it. What is in the report is what we believe she told
us.”
The police report – without using the mother’s name – states:
“(She) stated in the months leading up Meier’s daughter’s suicide,
she instigated and monitored a ‘my space’ account which was created
for the sole purpose of communicating with Meier’s daughter.
“(She) said she, with the help of temporary employee named ——
constructed a profile of ‘good looking’ male on ‘my space’ in order
to ‘find out what Megan (Meier’s daughter) was saying on-line’ about
her daughter. (She) explained the communication between the fake male
profile and Megan was aimed at gaining Megan’s confidence and finding
out what Megan felt about her daughter and other people.
“(She) stated she, her daughter and (the temporary employee) all
typed, read and monitored the communication between the fake male
profile and Megan &..
“According to (her) ‘somehow’ other ‘my space’ users were able to
access the fake male profile and Megan found out she had been duped.
(She) stated she knew ‘arguments’ had broken out between Megan and
others on ‘my space.’ (She) felt this incident contributed to Megan’s
suicide, but she did not feel ‘as guilty’ because at the funeral she
found out ‘Megan had tried to commit suicide before.'”
Tina says her daughter died thinking Josh was real and that she never
before attempted suicide.
“She was the happiest she had ever been in her life,” Ron says.
After years of wearing braces, Megan was scheduled to have them
removed the day she died. And she was looking forward to her birthday
party.
“She and her mom went shopping and bought a new dress,” Ron says.
“She wanted to make this grand entrance with me carrying her down the
stairs. I never got to see her in that dress until the funeral.”
NO CRIMINAL CHARGES
It does not appear that there will be criminal charges filed in
connection with Megan’s death.
“We did not have a charge to fit it,” McGuire says. “I don’t know
that anybody can sit down and say, ‘This is why this young girl took
her life.'”
The Meiers say the matter also was investigated by the FBI, which
analyzed the family computer and conducted interviews. Ron said a
stumbling block is that the FBI was unable to retrieve the electronic
messages from Megan’s final day, including that final message that
only Ron saw.
The Meiers do not plan to file a civil lawsuit. Here’s what they
want: They want the law changed, state or federal, so that what
happened to Megan – at the hands of an adult – is a crime.
THE AFTERMATH IS PAIN
The Meiers are divorcing. Ron says Tina was as vigilant as a parent
could be in monitoring Megan on MySpace. Yet she blames herself.
“I have this awful, horrible guilt and this I can never change,” she
said. “Ever.”
Ron struggles daily with the loss of a daughter who, no matter how
low she felt, tried to make others laugh and feel a little bit
better.
He has difficulty maintaining focus and has kept his job as a tool
and die maker through the grace and understanding of his employer, he
says. His emotions remain jagged, on edge.
Christine Buckles lives in the same Waterford Crossing subdivision.
In her view, everyone in the subdivision knows of Megan’s death, but
few know of the other family’s involvement.
Tina says she and Ron have dissuaded angry friends and family members
from vandalizing the other home for one, and only one, reason.
“The police will think we did it,” Tina says.
Ron faces a misdemeanor charge of property damage. He is accused of
driving his truck across the lawn of the family down the street,
doing $1,000 in damage, in March. A security camera the neighbors
installed on their home allegedly caught him.
It was Tina, a real estate agent, who helped the other family
purchase their home on the same block 2½ years ago.
“I just wish they would go away, move,” Ron says.
Vicki Dunn, Tina’s aunt, last month placed signs in and near the
neighborhood on the anniversary of Megan’s death.
They read: “Justice for Megan Meier,” “Call the St. Charles County
Prosecuting Attorney,” and “MySpace Impersonator in Your
Neighborhood.”
On the window outside Megan’s room is an ornamental angel that Ron
turns on almost every night. Inside are pictures of boys, posters of
Usher, Beyonce and on the dresser a tube of instant bronzer.
“She was all about getting a tan,” Ron says.
He has placed the doors back on the closet. Megan had them off.
If only she had waited, talked to someone, or just made it to dinner,
then through the evening, and then on to the beginning of a new day in
what could have been a remarkable life.
If she had, he says, there is no doubt she would have chosen to live.
Instead, there is so much pain.
“She never would have wanted to see her parents divorce,” Ron says.
Ultimately, it was Megan’s choice to do what she did, he says. “But
it was like someone handed her a loaded gun.”
Link:
http://stcharlesjournal.stltoday.com/news/sj2tn20071110-1111stc_pokin_1.ii1.txt
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